Thursday, August 28, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way
everything has gone my way as well as the other direction all in one week. my first week at cypress was an awesome experience. waking up for classes that started at 7 in the morning wasn't too bad. if anything, i woke up like 10 minutes before my alarm went off from all the anticipation on my first day! i never met and became so comfortable with so many people in just 3 days. sitting in class during lectures were far from thrilling.. fattest syllabus of life, handout after handout, protocols, classroom/cinical procedures, skills videos... but i was very eager to learn and just so stoked that i'm even in a nursing program. at times i found myself forcing my heavy eyes open, jolting after my head slips between my hands as i try to hold it up, and twitching after putting my head down just for a minute. i figured out that rigorously taking notes kept my attention during long videos and lectures. running to the snack shop and downing a frap in 5 minutes was a big help too =) skills lab was interesting. bathed a black mannikin with half a leg that my partner and i dubbed mrs. brown. it was our job to explain to mrs. brown everything we were doing to make her as comfortable as possble..haha.. we learned how to make beds, which is more complicated than it sounds...trust. i also brushed my partner's teeth and he had to brush mine. can you say awkward? pretty hilarious though. never had anyone brush my teeth for me before.. then we checked each others vitals signs.. temperature, blood pressure, and respirations.. big stuff! haha everything was pretty basic.. with everything, the more you practice, the better you do and the more confident you become. towards the end of the day, your pretty amazed at how fast it all went and how much you've learned and accomplished..
my first week at cypress was an awesome... experience. too bad i won't be able to know how the rest of the semester goes......... cuz i got accepted into cal state long beach's nursing program!!!!! i was given an opportunity that i couldn't refuse. but i did feel bad after starting the program at cypress and that St. Marys was paying for everything and then allsuh i'm just gunna leave when that spot could have been given to someone else. but its a straight BSN program and that was the whole point of me going to csulb in the first place. not to mention my condo, i'm back to walking and biking and seeing my long beach friends, and fighting temptations passing by the vendors, and walking miles across campus, and gazing at the cherry blossoms and ducks and squirrels, and people watching, and walking around with 1000+ students, aaand finally being able to buy a beer at the nugget!! i guess you can say i never realized how good i had it at long beach until i went to another, more alien, school. its pretty crazy because two years ago in 06, i wrote in a journal all my future plans and goals. one of them was to be accepted into a nursing program by fall 08. if only everything i want that i write down became reality. think of the possibilities!! but seriously, writing out your plans and goals and working towards them really does keep you mentally focused and motivated. honestly, i totally forgot i wrote that and to my surprise just recently found it in my journal afterwards. i know this program will be way more challenging than the other one. more theory basically. which is fine by me.. i know i won't let myself fail. just remember to take it one day at a time.
as far as revamping the condo goes, yeah, it hasn't really gone.... lime green walls are gone tho thank heavens! my days started early but felt too short to really accomplish anything except for 3+ chapters of reading and organizing. but since i've been granted another week of vacation, might as well make the most of it. so far i've spent it at a bonfire and manhattan beach.. loved it. i want the condo done and livable by friday before my birthday weekend.
lately its been hard to get out of bed. the past few days i haven't been looking forward to waking up in the morning. i'm pretty much numb and a zombie throughout the day with my heart heavy and my indifferent eyes hiding behind sunglasses. sounds pretty morbid huh? i'm sorry, readers, but i will not talk about it. but since your reading this shit, i know you care. so i want you to know that i'll be ok.
other than that, again, no reason to complain.. things could always be worse, but be thankful its not. have a nice first week of school elco students!
my first week at cypress was an awesome... experience. too bad i won't be able to know how the rest of the semester goes......... cuz i got accepted into cal state long beach's nursing program!!!!! i was given an opportunity that i couldn't refuse. but i did feel bad after starting the program at cypress and that St. Marys was paying for everything and then allsuh i'm just gunna leave when that spot could have been given to someone else. but its a straight BSN program and that was the whole point of me going to csulb in the first place. not to mention my condo, i'm back to walking and biking and seeing my long beach friends, and fighting temptations passing by the vendors, and walking miles across campus, and gazing at the cherry blossoms and ducks and squirrels, and people watching, and walking around with 1000+ students, aaand finally being able to buy a beer at the nugget!! i guess you can say i never realized how good i had it at long beach until i went to another, more alien, school. its pretty crazy because two years ago in 06, i wrote in a journal all my future plans and goals. one of them was to be accepted into a nursing program by fall 08. if only everything i want that i write down became reality. think of the possibilities!! but seriously, writing out your plans and goals and working towards them really does keep you mentally focused and motivated. honestly, i totally forgot i wrote that and to my surprise just recently found it in my journal afterwards. i know this program will be way more challenging than the other one. more theory basically. which is fine by me.. i know i won't let myself fail. just remember to take it one day at a time.
as far as revamping the condo goes, yeah, it hasn't really gone.... lime green walls are gone tho thank heavens! my days started early but felt too short to really accomplish anything except for 3+ chapters of reading and organizing. but since i've been granted another week of vacation, might as well make the most of it. so far i've spent it at a bonfire and manhattan beach.. loved it. i want the condo done and livable by friday before my birthday weekend.
lately its been hard to get out of bed. the past few days i haven't been looking forward to waking up in the morning. i'm pretty much numb and a zombie throughout the day with my heart heavy and my indifferent eyes hiding behind sunglasses. sounds pretty morbid huh? i'm sorry, readers, but i will not talk about it. but since your reading this shit, i know you care. so i want you to know that i'll be ok.
other than that, again, no reason to complain.. things could always be worse, but be thankful its not. have a nice first week of school elco students!
Saturday, August 23, 2008
numb
I've made up my mind, don't need to think it over
If I'm wrong I am right, don't need to look no further
This ain't lust, I know this is love
But if I tell the world, I'll never say enough
'Cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what i need to do if I'd end up with you
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads me nowhere?
If I'm wrong I am right, don't need to look no further
This ain't lust, I know this is love
But if I tell the world, I'll never say enough
'Cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what i need to do if I'd end up with you
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads me nowhere?
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
thrill rides and epiphanies
who would've thought that you get what you wished for.. how fortunate am i to be able to spend another day at kern river! last minute day trip it was.. i was packing at 1 in the morning while on 3-way with ash and bo. yes, 3-way haha. left at 5am got there at 8am. jason needed to pay for his ..slowing ticket.. driving 5 miles underrrr the speed limit. we talked to a couple people at the court also paying for tickets. kern people really don't have anything else to do besides hand out speeding tickets. what was ridiculous was this guy getting a ticket for fishing without a license. $950! he was fined more than people who could potentially kill themselves or others speeding down windy ass roads around the mountain. unbelievable.. we bought fishing gear, a fishing license of course, and floating donut tubes called the river rat and some water shoes which definately came in handy. i walked over sharp annoying underwater rocks like nothing. i also bought a cartoon map of kernville (i've become quite an enthusiast!) i figured it would go nicely with my cartoon long beach map. the weather was actually pleasant..warm with a breeze. floating down the river was theeeee shit. some parts of the river were calm so we would just chill and talk and float. other parts were fast flowing rapids! it was like nature's very own thrilling water ride. our second time going down we tied our floaties together. got caught between a bunch of rocks..so hilarious.. no luck fishing though. while the boys tested their skills and patience in attempts to catch dinner, i set my towel out, put my shirt over my face and took a nap, only to wake up and and realize i just layed out 4000 ft. closer to the sun aand that they stillll haven't caught dinner! haha.. after no luck of fishing we hiked up and went down the river all over again. good times. left at around 5 or 6pm, its hard to keep track of time when your using the sun as a clock. driving home was a drag, tired as shit, dark, motion sickness, dehydration, hunger. our 3-4 hours drive became 6 hours. no worries tho, i slept like a baby right after my head hit my pillow. i'm sad to say that my extended weekend ended with an unfortunate bang. don't wanna get too detailed about that. lets just say i still need to think before i speak.
the countdown before school starts is quickly winding down. i can't believe its already thursday. and theres still so many things i want to do. mostly just makeover the condo. but i know it'll happen. i'm gunna make it happen! even if i have to do it all myself which is totally fine by me.
i saw a shooting star tonight..right in gardena! and i'm glad i was talking to the bff on the phone. i was thinking yesss, free wish! but honestly, i didn't know what to wish for. i always try to wish for something plausible.. nothin like winning the lottery or growing taller or world peace. yeah i wish i had a lot of stuff and i wish a lot of things were a certain way. but i figured, whats the point in wishing when you can just do? wishing is time wasted. that time you use wishing is time you can use to actually make things happen. but then again, you can't do if you can't wish, right? haha i don't know.
i honestly feel so lucky. i have people that will always have my back. always. and they know they have mine. pretty cool concept right? though we may be separated by different schedules, different paths, different interests, i have no right to doubt their friendship and loyalty. but i'm not perfect. i hate myself when i do doubt. but in the end, i always know who will be there.
on a last note, perhaps maybe a note to self.. think before you speak.. and don't take anyone for granted.
the countdown before school starts is quickly winding down. i can't believe its already thursday. and theres still so many things i want to do. mostly just makeover the condo. but i know it'll happen. i'm gunna make it happen! even if i have to do it all myself which is totally fine by me.
i saw a shooting star tonight..right in gardena! and i'm glad i was talking to the bff on the phone. i was thinking yesss, free wish! but honestly, i didn't know what to wish for. i always try to wish for something plausible.. nothin like winning the lottery or growing taller or world peace. yeah i wish i had a lot of stuff and i wish a lot of things were a certain way. but i figured, whats the point in wishing when you can just do? wishing is time wasted. that time you use wishing is time you can use to actually make things happen. but then again, you can't do if you can't wish, right? haha i don't know.
i honestly feel so lucky. i have people that will always have my back. always. and they know they have mine. pretty cool concept right? though we may be separated by different schedules, different paths, different interests, i have no right to doubt their friendship and loyalty. but i'm not perfect. i hate myself when i do doubt. but in the end, i always know who will be there.
on a last note, perhaps maybe a note to self.. think before you speak.. and don't take anyone for granted.
Monday, August 11, 2008
kern river
camp this weekend was nothin less than an adventure. going there was a pain in the ass..bumper to bumper traffic on the 5, slow ass drivers, speeding ticket, driving through the canyon at night, arriving at fairview at 10pm with no open campsite! it was packed! luckily there were some reserved spots that haven't been claimed yet. the sign in the front said that the campsite must be occupied the first night, and i translated that if they weren't there by midnight that night, their loss! so we pick a spot, burned the rsvp sign, and began setting up the tent. the boys were able to set up the tent. my only job was to hold up the lantern. our tent was massive..the attached front porch with screen, a Godsend. set up the fire and ate chili marinated boneless chicken with toasted bread and honey dijonnaise (best thing ever, 0 grams of fat can you believe that!? i don't..haha). i loved reclining back in my camping chair with my feet rested on the footrest and just gazing up at a star studded sky smokin a nice blunt, drinkin ice cold beer, and of course, munchin on a chicken dijonnaise sandwich. all this would be worthless if it wasn't for the good company. going from camping with 20 heads to just 3 is so different. its pretty damn nice with a smaller group. no one to clean up after, no one to cook for, no one bein lazy, everyone doing their own thing. luan, being the boy he is, saw boobies in the sky. supposedly any two pairs of stars were nipples. richard burned his fingertips pretty bad on the lantern handles. he had a bubble on his middle fingertip the whole trip. it was pretty funny. it was a bit hard tryin to fall asleep that first night, paranoid that the rsvp-ers would come and make us leave. we did notice an suv driving around a couple times. strong winds blew our tent back and forth, also making it difficult to fall asleep. but we were there, and that was all that mattered.
heat sure is the best way to wake someone up. the hot weather wasn't too much of a suprise. but waking up feeling like the meat inside an eggroll baking in an oven isn't fun. and thats exactly how it was in our sleeping bags in the tent waking up to 90 degree weather at 10 in the morning! looking around outside, we noticed how sweet our campsite was. no rocks, close to the bridge and bathrooms, and a nice thick acorn tree for shade.. all ours!! we ventured on to explore across the bridge and go for a little hike. damn, i don't even wanna go there. good exersize, yeah. but under the sun, um, no. so we turned around and started walking along the river trails. along the way we passed by a perfectly spiraled fresh pile of shit, fishermen and women with trout!, several amazing spots by the river, families floating down the river in round floating donuts, and mr. wilderness himself wearing only shorts, a hat, and boots climbing down a steep cliff using branches and roots to hold him up! after going back to camp to eat juicy hotlinks on a toasted bun with grilled onion and cilanro, we bring all our gear back to a spot we found earlier and set up our chairs by the edge of the water at a nicely shaded curved spot perfect with a fallen tree forming a nice place to sit. while the boys put their fishing rods together, i test out the river. quite rocky, slimy, and slippery. i had to carefully watch and plan my steps. but it was soo refreshing by the running water and the stones. i don't know how else to describe it, but i didn't wanna leave. the water was perfect. up until i hear luan screech in the water over by the bushes about a green snake with red spikes coming out the side a foot away from his face!! we chilled at the spot for about 3-4 hours, just enjoying each others company, smoking, eating booommbb chili covered pistachios and tryying to catch a fish, any fish. quite unsuccessful.. too bad because we had such marvalous plans if we caught trout. that afternoon felt relaxing, a perfect retreat from the city. on our way back to our campsite we find the fresh pile of pooop stepped on and baked in the sun. gross!! at the campsite, more beers, more bleezys, and ribs! yes, ribs, marinaded in bbq sauce and dijonnaise. delish! stupid bees were buggin tho.. after that, food coma!! i sat in the porch out of the sun and out of reach of flying little buggers. the boys play with the ball and launching/catching contraptions bought from rite aid while i red angels and demons. soon after, i take my nap. i wake up and its already dark. played 2 games of scrabble, got druuunk, walked around and saw elaborate camp set ups with entire families having the time of their life! their set ups were super fancy compared to ours. but yeah, drunk from the flask of whiskey, no, rum! that tasted like chocolate to me so i didn't need a chaser. more beers.. more bowls.. games of spades.. then, knocked out after a long day!
what a morning! found richard sleeping in one of the camping chairs under the acorn tree. meanwhile, luan and i check out the river and take a swim. the river was immaculate. the water level was low since it was summer and little rainfall. compared to spring's freezing, high tide, strong current river, the calm, moderately cold and gentle current was delightful. we explored a bunch of spots going down the river. familes were gathered in the water under the bridge with their dogs fetching sticks out in the water. it was like a nice river lagoon with flat rocks and sand. luan and i drift along with the current to a tree stretching out over the water. that was our favorite spot. swimming up river and back down with the current freely pushing us was like a natural water ride. people in the floating tubes had it so good! we're definately investing in some our next trip. it was a sweet way to spend some alone time with him. we always have a good time.. he's the best guy i know. i'm seriously so lucky. back at the campsite, we find richard exactly where we left him, so luan and i play with the ball launch and catch contraption. i'm actually pretty damn good at it. bad idea to smoke a blunt right before cleaning up, breaking down the tent, and packing up the truck. not bad as far as the clean up part, but as soon as we stepped out into the sun from under the acorn tree, the sun felt blistering hot. but the thought of mcnallys burgers motivated us. we got it done in about an hour, efficiently but not with ease. i felt like my eyeballs were sweating! mcnallys burgers was the beez neez. it tasted like an in n out burger but bigger and juicier. quite satisfying. then the journey home..a long, tiresome, return home to reality.
i can't believe luan actually made this happen. at first i didnt' think we were gunna go since it seemed like we weren't prepared at all. no reservations, no grocery shopping, no supply shopping. i wasn't even sure who was going. but turned out that luan had everything under control, as usual. i was surprised how he had everything ready. this weekend was such a chill way to wind down my summer. i enjoyed every minute of it. i wish i could go back soon. but i know its not going anywhere. it'll be there waiting for us next summer.... or maybe even this tuesday =)
heat sure is the best way to wake someone up. the hot weather wasn't too much of a suprise. but waking up feeling like the meat inside an eggroll baking in an oven isn't fun. and thats exactly how it was in our sleeping bags in the tent waking up to 90 degree weather at 10 in the morning! looking around outside, we noticed how sweet our campsite was. no rocks, close to the bridge and bathrooms, and a nice thick acorn tree for shade.. all ours!! we ventured on to explore across the bridge and go for a little hike. damn, i don't even wanna go there. good exersize, yeah. but under the sun, um, no. so we turned around and started walking along the river trails. along the way we passed by a perfectly spiraled fresh pile of shit, fishermen and women with trout!, several amazing spots by the river, families floating down the river in round floating donuts, and mr. wilderness himself wearing only shorts, a hat, and boots climbing down a steep cliff using branches and roots to hold him up! after going back to camp to eat juicy hotlinks on a toasted bun with grilled onion and cilanro, we bring all our gear back to a spot we found earlier and set up our chairs by the edge of the water at a nicely shaded curved spot perfect with a fallen tree forming a nice place to sit. while the boys put their fishing rods together, i test out the river. quite rocky, slimy, and slippery. i had to carefully watch and plan my steps. but it was soo refreshing by the running water and the stones. i don't know how else to describe it, but i didn't wanna leave. the water was perfect. up until i hear luan screech in the water over by the bushes about a green snake with red spikes coming out the side a foot away from his face!! we chilled at the spot for about 3-4 hours, just enjoying each others company, smoking, eating booommbb chili covered pistachios and tryying to catch a fish, any fish. quite unsuccessful.. too bad because we had such marvalous plans if we caught trout. that afternoon felt relaxing, a perfect retreat from the city. on our way back to our campsite we find the fresh pile of pooop stepped on and baked in the sun. gross!! at the campsite, more beers, more bleezys, and ribs! yes, ribs, marinaded in bbq sauce and dijonnaise. delish! stupid bees were buggin tho.. after that, food coma!! i sat in the porch out of the sun and out of reach of flying little buggers. the boys play with the ball and launching/catching contraptions bought from rite aid while i red angels and demons. soon after, i take my nap. i wake up and its already dark. played 2 games of scrabble, got druuunk, walked around and saw elaborate camp set ups with entire families having the time of their life! their set ups were super fancy compared to ours. but yeah, drunk from the flask of whiskey, no, rum! that tasted like chocolate to me so i didn't need a chaser. more beers.. more bowls.. games of spades.. then, knocked out after a long day!
what a morning! found richard sleeping in one of the camping chairs under the acorn tree. meanwhile, luan and i check out the river and take a swim. the river was immaculate. the water level was low since it was summer and little rainfall. compared to spring's freezing, high tide, strong current river, the calm, moderately cold and gentle current was delightful. we explored a bunch of spots going down the river. familes were gathered in the water under the bridge with their dogs fetching sticks out in the water. it was like a nice river lagoon with flat rocks and sand. luan and i drift along with the current to a tree stretching out over the water. that was our favorite spot. swimming up river and back down with the current freely pushing us was like a natural water ride. people in the floating tubes had it so good! we're definately investing in some our next trip. it was a sweet way to spend some alone time with him. we always have a good time.. he's the best guy i know. i'm seriously so lucky. back at the campsite, we find richard exactly where we left him, so luan and i play with the ball launch and catch contraption. i'm actually pretty damn good at it. bad idea to smoke a blunt right before cleaning up, breaking down the tent, and packing up the truck. not bad as far as the clean up part, but as soon as we stepped out into the sun from under the acorn tree, the sun felt blistering hot. but the thought of mcnallys burgers motivated us. we got it done in about an hour, efficiently but not with ease. i felt like my eyeballs were sweating! mcnallys burgers was the beez neez. it tasted like an in n out burger but bigger and juicier. quite satisfying. then the journey home..a long, tiresome, return home to reality.
i can't believe luan actually made this happen. at first i didnt' think we were gunna go since it seemed like we weren't prepared at all. no reservations, no grocery shopping, no supply shopping. i wasn't even sure who was going. but turned out that luan had everything under control, as usual. i was surprised how he had everything ready. this weekend was such a chill way to wind down my summer. i enjoyed every minute of it. i wish i could go back soon. but i know its not going anywhere. it'll be there waiting for us next summer.... or maybe even this tuesday =)
Sunday, August 10, 2008
livejournal sucks
July 29, 2008 at 7:22 pm
WOOWWWW! there was just an earthquake right now!!!!!! a little one.. I was just in my room playing with live journal when i heard something fall and break, then all of a sudden i see my fake flowers in its pot kinda shifting back and forth. i turned off my music to heighten my senses and sensed an earthquake was going down! it was just a little one, thank goodness. but it was pretty freaky i must say. it lasted for about 20 seconds. luckily no major damage was done.. or at least i hope not. the only thing irritating me right now are the welts my puppy left on my leg from jumping on me scared shitless. i just called Luan over in Long Beach. He said he felt it over there too. i wonder if any weather people saw this coming. i know they're anticipating this huuuge earthquake sometime soon. Chanty's been freaking out about it ever since high school. i hope this little one a couple minutes ago wasn't a precedent of a catastrophic one soon in the future... maybe i just jinxed it right now (knocking on woood!!).
but on a lighter note, welcome to my live journal. i used to actually write in an actual journal with an actual pen, actually writing. but i've just become so busy, and my penmanship has clearly diminished (like it has reverted to 3rd grade) when i write little things like checks, agendas, notes, etc. i kinda wish i could still write as much as i did because for a long time i was against online blogging (for myself anyway) because i wanted to uphold the value of the written word. even writing and receiving personal letters have become pretty much extinct. everythings on the internet and email. but i guess we must move forward with time and technology. email is much more fit for the fast-paced life, and also the lazy life..which is my life =). but anyway, i forgot where i was going with all this. ultimately, i just need a spot to vent......
I'm supposed to be helping Luan paint his new room right now. but with his retarded sleeping patterns, he woke up late as usual. I have a hospital shift tonight til 11pm. and thats pretty much it for today. it smells so good outside its making hungry.
i feel excluded from the 21 club. i hear about them going to mai tai or wherever and its like, aw, thanks for the invite? but i can't really blame them. i don't want them to waste their breath on me when we all know i can't go, YET! they're going to vegs again this weekend for Jamie's bday. i'm so envious just the fact that most of 310 is going. its cool tho, i have plans this weekend too! OC fair with my hunny, carmina and mikey's parties. but still, it still makes me feel a little sucky. just a little bit.
other than that.. i feel like i have nothing to complain about. i have some weeks where i just feel like shit, for no real reason at all! and i hate that. my confidence level goes down, i think wayyy too much, self-conscious..etc. etc. but after almost losing something vital to my future, i just feel so blessed and thankful that i got a second chance. again, i look forward to everything.. to the start of nursing school, the few hours i spend at home with my mom, my birthday coming up in a month, payday this friday, phone calls and texts from my friends, doing everything anything and nothing with Luan, good deals on dvds, sporadic surprises like mini earthquakes, and just spontaneous anything..
WOOWWWW! there was just an earthquake right now!!!!!! a little one.. I was just in my room playing with live journal when i heard something fall and break, then all of a sudden i see my fake flowers in its pot kinda shifting back and forth. i turned off my music to heighten my senses and sensed an earthquake was going down! it was just a little one, thank goodness. but it was pretty freaky i must say. it lasted for about 20 seconds. luckily no major damage was done.. or at least i hope not. the only thing irritating me right now are the welts my puppy left on my leg from jumping on me scared shitless. i just called Luan over in Long Beach. He said he felt it over there too. i wonder if any weather people saw this coming. i know they're anticipating this huuuge earthquake sometime soon. Chanty's been freaking out about it ever since high school. i hope this little one a couple minutes ago wasn't a precedent of a catastrophic one soon in the future... maybe i just jinxed it right now (knocking on woood!!).
but on a lighter note, welcome to my live journal. i used to actually write in an actual journal with an actual pen, actually writing. but i've just become so busy, and my penmanship has clearly diminished (like it has reverted to 3rd grade) when i write little things like checks, agendas, notes, etc. i kinda wish i could still write as much as i did because for a long time i was against online blogging (for myself anyway) because i wanted to uphold the value of the written word. even writing and receiving personal letters have become pretty much extinct. everythings on the internet and email. but i guess we must move forward with time and technology. email is much more fit for the fast-paced life, and also the lazy life..which is my life =). but anyway, i forgot where i was going with all this. ultimately, i just need a spot to vent......
I'm supposed to be helping Luan paint his new room right now. but with his retarded sleeping patterns, he woke up late as usual. I have a hospital shift tonight til 11pm. and thats pretty much it for today. it smells so good outside its making hungry.
i feel excluded from the 21 club. i hear about them going to mai tai or wherever and its like, aw, thanks for the invite? but i can't really blame them. i don't want them to waste their breath on me when we all know i can't go, YET! they're going to vegs again this weekend for Jamie's bday. i'm so envious just the fact that most of 310 is going. its cool tho, i have plans this weekend too! OC fair with my hunny, carmina and mikey's parties. but still, it still makes me feel a little sucky. just a little bit.
other than that.. i feel like i have nothing to complain about. i have some weeks where i just feel like shit, for no real reason at all! and i hate that. my confidence level goes down, i think wayyy too much, self-conscious..etc. etc. but after almost losing something vital to my future, i just feel so blessed and thankful that i got a second chance. again, i look forward to everything.. to the start of nursing school, the few hours i spend at home with my mom, my birthday coming up in a month, payday this friday, phone calls and texts from my friends, doing everything anything and nothing with Luan, good deals on dvds, sporadic surprises like mini earthquakes, and just spontaneous anything..
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